A Brief Brief History of Time
I recently discovered this umm, well re-tooled version of A Brief History of Time. The real thanks goes to my cousin Ty, "Thanks Ty", who let me know about it. The sample is actually also of her choosing.
And here's a brief sample (just so you know to put down that hot coffee *before* you attempt to read this):
Galileo: *invents proper telescopes* *discovers Moons orbiting Jupiter* OMG WTF! There’s stuff orbiting things which aren’t the Sun and aren’t Earth. Blimey.
The Universe: *slow hand clap* Getting warmer, boys.
The Church: STFU Galileo! Do you really want to be the principle ingredient in a philosopher kebab?
Galileo: *grumbles* But!
The Church: Shh! We are right about everything, mmmkay? Invent cat flaps or tippex or something useful or shut it, right?
Galileo: But nevertheless, it moves…
The Universe: *sigh* Nice try Galileo. Good effort.
And here's another favourite, from part 3:
THIS IS ALL VERY INTERESTING, BUT HOW DO WE KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT JUST BEING PULLED OUT OF SOME COSMOLOGIST’S ARSE? TO PUT IT BLUNTLY, HOW DO WE KNO U AIN’T TRIPPIN?
Hawking: Good question. In fact, poor down-trodden grad students throughout the world have been toiling away working out how many stars there are, and how heavy they all are so that we, their supervisors and superiors, can try to figure out if there is enough stuff in the Universe to make it collapse or whatever.
Grad students: *are silent and bug-eyed* *are chained to their computers in dark basements*
Hawking: They enjoy it really.
Grad students: *hollow laugh*
Hawking: And basically, we haven’t worked it out yet, because there’s this pesky stuff called dark matter which we can’t see. Ever. At all. We can only tell it’s there by working out it’s gravitational influence on other stuff.
The Universe: *chuckles away gently, pets grad students*
Hawking: And the really embarrassing thing is that the dark stuff makes up most of the Universe.
The Universe: Poor fuckers. You’ll never win.
Hawking: Good question. In fact, poor down-trodden grad students throughout the world have been toiling away working out how many stars there are, and how heavy they all are so that we, their supervisors and superiors, can try to figure out if there is enough stuff in the Universe to make it collapse or whatever.
Grad students: *are silent and bug-eyed* *are chained to their computers in dark basements*
Hawking: They enjoy it really.
Grad students: *hollow laugh*
Hawking: And basically, we haven’t worked it out yet, because there’s this pesky stuff called dark matter which we can’t see. Ever. At all. We can only tell it’s there by working out it’s gravitational influence on other stuff.
The Universe: *chuckles away gently, pets grad students*
Hawking: And the really embarrassing thing is that the dark stuff makes up most of the Universe.
The Universe: Poor fuckers. You’ll never win.
This is one of those things you are either gonna love or hate. I'll admit it's not for everyone, but damn is it hilarious for some.
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